Like all good introverts I need my own space – like a lot of it. And yes, I recognise I need people too, though those connections are more intimate and go into deep oceans. It’s a fine balance. Where life exists. The past few months have revealed to me just how much I have grown – to recognise red flags, voice my heart and create needed space to recreate flow. I’m finding that challenging though. The beauty of this semi-cluttered now has become a reminder of the things I had discovered when I had space. A spacious, connected life comes from active simplicity. I had begun this beautiful thing called decreasing last year; we said good bye to fifteen kilos, twelve thousand dollars of debt, two kerb-side cleanups and began to make space. Literally. Metaphorically. My outward life was becoming a true reflection of my inner world, thriving in a new found freedom in the power of saying ‘no’. Not just for the sake of saying ‘no’, but actually thoughtfully processing where I was to steward my ‘yes’. I found there was in fact little I had wanted to commit to in the first place but bound by the obligation to be a good human I gave them away freely, along with my family’s ‘yes’s too. I learnt this the hard way: no is necessary. Like spaciousness, rest and play is too.
I’ve been saturating my soul with books that feel like a warm, welcomed déjà vu wrapping me in my reality whilst playing a game of spot the difference. This rhythm toward the person I was becoming had been railroaded. Or parked… This vision of a life I had worked hard to find, one I realised somewhere between having an open schedule, dreaming big again and covid homeschooling somehow got lost along the way. With the sudden influx of the digital realm, the new non-negotiables of parenting and running a business all meant my time was no longer my time. My energy spent on seemingly important things, and also really important things. And the tides of habit entered in on cue. Along with re-discovering how good real chocolate and a glass of wine in the afternoon feels.
The relishing now is returning to a new-normalness with renewed perspective. Once again saying no, upon consideration of knowing how deep my wells are and what it takes to fill them. I need space. Like a lot of space. And in that spaciousness I find the simpler life. An unhurried pace. An embraced life of slow. One I adore.
I’ve noticed a pattern emerging among myself and others I chat to. This, ‘it’s all too hard’ and ‘I can not do it all’. And yes, to a degree there is truth here. But what lies within is so much more than a destination or a goal being achieved. It’s the phoenix rising out of the dust. It’s the beauty within emerging. This strength rising. This overcoming. This brave behaviour to follow the call and keep going, to keep showing up. To live uncomplicated. But dang it, it’s hard. And it needs us to have time to pour inward. To treasure our inner world. To invest our heart and time and energy in pursuit of finding our true self. And let’s be honest for a moment, the easy option is to give up because perpetual pursuit is hard.
“If you don’t prioritise your life, someone else will.”
Greg McKeown
One of the hardest things is feeling like you’ve lost yourself along the way, catering to everyone else’s narrative. Neglecting your own, because it’s heavy hauling everyone up a hill. And doing all the things. An incomplete trove of chaos. I think this is the unraveling… when you realise life is happening to you. Your life has its own beautiful path carved out ahead, and all too quickly we afford someone else the agenda for the day. Or we hand over willingly the dream to be held as though they are worthy to hold it. We push to make headway but now we are here, feeling like we’re starting all over again. Because we got tired… we’ve been carrying everyone else’s dreams too. Or perhaps just all the to-do’s. I hear you, I can’t figure out a way forward at the moment either. This year was supposed to be my year… and I think it still will be. I’ve had to take stock of the things I’d hoped for in a future I was never guaranteed. What I did have was the illusion of control, with all the goals and dreams just waiting to be fulfilled. But there is a renewed clarity that is forming, one having been found in the loss. Found in decrease… in the simplicity.
For me, this season could only be articulated as the shedding of obligations. The uncloaking of all the shoulds. The bringing back to basics. Finding simplicity. You hear me here right? Because I’m guessing it resonates somewhere deeply within you too. We need to simplify our lives. We need to make room in our schedule. We need to be okay just sitting in our soul for a moment. Just an echo of my soul to yours. Don’t. Give. Up. Keep asking the questions, keep refining your thing.
I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I’m choosing to stay present to this moment. I see there is beauty in this ordinary, even in what seems like a backwards moment. But this is the reset. This is the moment we get to define what matters, through the culling and the power of decreasing we will operate from new freedoms. For instance, it’s much easier for me to turn the phone off for sabbath than it was a year ago. I’ve changed. I’ve done the work. I’ve made the changes that work for me and my crew. I don’t care about likes and who actually even reads this. This is for me. The fact you are here is a gift (to me), and I pray these words settle some seeds in your heart to follow that beautiful, amazing call you have on your life. To find peace within.
Just remember it’s actually awfully simple. We overcomplicate it. With lots of noise, and grandiose. To be honest, I’m just happy if I can find my car key. We lost it a few days ago, and it’s upended how we do our whole life. But it’s given me a perspective. That’s the other thing, perspective takes a much shorter path to arrive in clarity these days. Being present has taught me that. I fully feel all. the. feelings. and I use my tools to wrestle them out. I realise I don’t have to arrive at a conclusion of ‘what this moment is teaching me’, but just sit and lean in. See it from another angle. Laugh or cry. Live it out. In this very real moment loosing the only key to our car means we have to walk to, like every. where. Which means we need to be better prepared for our morning routine, this just highlights what I knew was already there… Because I was in post-haze morning chaos no matter how early I woke up, I couldn’t get on top of my day! Like the rest of the world! I’d still be making a million decisions before 8am for everyone else and I’d come home fried from school drop off. Expecting (with some lunacy) of being able to run a business and execute anything beyond showing up.
So I started small a few weeks ago, recognising I needed a better system… I bought an extra lunch box each, meaning I only make lunches twice a week. I simplified breakfast to cereal or toast. We made Fridays lunch order day. Sunday we do a whole house reset – its not a choice, we all chip in, it takes an hour. All these micro steps in simplicity, we’ve been working towards over the past few weeks empower us so when a curve ball comes – we got this. Aaaaaand when we accidentally and quite possibly have thrown out our only car key we now get to operate from this simplicity. Because I don’t want life to happen to me anymore and at least I know the things I can control are on track and the rest can be left behind.
And you know what? This simplicity has made my life so much more beautiful. I made it even more simpler. I am choosing to pursue just one. thing. One goal. One task. I mean, who here is an over achiever? (*raises hand sheepishly*). And that one thing is being present: a life of contentment, a smelling of the roses. It also means I use the time I do have for myself to not output so highly I have an empty tank later, when I want to be available and kind to my family. This pursuit of one thing has been found in creating a simplicity in my life, from stewarding my yes and giving myself the space I’ve recognised is helpful. Heck, I don’t get it right – a lot of the time, but I am working towards a simpler life. I’m further along than I was a year ago, and I find that peace inducing. And every little win, I reflect on and cheer myself inwardly – “you my dear, are doing great!”
So thanks perspective, I needed the win today. I can see once more there is beauty here, if I choose to search for it. And my oh my, what a wonder-filled, beauty-full life there is to live.