A few years ago we were in lockdown and a beautiful friend invited me into the process of writing a Letter of Surrender – you can read it here. Tonight as we embody the releasing, the shedding the letting go in our rituals for the new moon, I revisited the letter. This months second new moon in Aries is encouraging us to let go, to fully surrender, as we enter a solar eclipse. Usually I would spend this night setting intentions for the month ahead, and allowing a sense of reflection in the darkness. Tonight though, this mushy energetic force is breathing slow and low and inviting us to completely… let go.
In retrospect the things of 2020 felt so intensely hard to lay down. At the time to let go of all I knew and all I’d hope for, knowing that what was meant for me would come and Source would once again bring things full circle, still it felt like severing. There was an intensity in my writing, a flow I felt deeply connected to. One I am grateful for the choices I made: I let go. I am so incredibly thankful for this repeated ritual of returning and releasing. So here I go, again. Surrendering the things I didn’t know I was holding onto.
Hey sweet beautiful soul,
We’ve been collecting as we go. You know, unknowingly adding to our collection, clutching at once believed truths, not sure how to let them grow… or perhaps go. Wondering what to keep, wondering what holds value these days. I’m here, in this place of no self, this void of glowing beauty within, where all that matters is held, founded in this bright light in my hand – throbbing and glowing, expanding and slowing. It’s beautiful to look at, it’s a wonder to behold.
It’s singing sweetly over my Soul, calling me in deeper and deeper… come sweet soul… surrender.
I lift my head to the skies, the starry night, the clouds benign. So sweet soul, awaken with breadth into the depths of this life filling moment. Pause and look ahead with clarity, grasp all the loose ends from the corners and gather them, one by one with gentle care. I’m so thankful for each one of you, you generous and abundant thoughts that brought me to where I am today. I can feel as I exhale they are dissipating into gold glowing dust, like scattered scents upon the winds of exhale into distant lands no longer mine.
I surrender the rigid dreams, the ones bound so tightly within. I surrender stagnancy and the tethering to another soul for eternity. I release my ideology of perfected and wistful love gently into the breeze, with an ease and a wonder at what will be. I surrender the mother heart, the sacrifice, the meanings of true love. I let go of needing extrinsic feedback and strength found in empty words of encouragement. I will hold onto my own knowing – the kind that see’s with clarity what is already within. I let go of the career I thought I wanted, I let go of the dreams to contain a very set and regimented routine, I let go of living up to a neurotypical life and all the unrealistic expectations attached to it.
My soul, I let go, I let go, I let go.
I let go of all the versions of me, the ones I’ve outgrown, the tired and the weary. The versions I’d hoped one day to be, and the ones I decided not to complete. I surrender the mistakes I made and the ones made to me. I let go, embracing this beautiful woven tapestry of me.
I let go of perfect: perfect home, perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect love story, perfect garden, perfect smile, perfect body, perfect job, perfect moments, perfect me. And I embrace all the imperfections as glory in pure light.
I surrender the art of crafting and knowing, the feeling of needing to provide explanations for all the things I feel, dream, hear or see. I untangle my heart from patriarchal belief systems and institutionalised wisdom, I let go of the limited viewpoints, and the tortured need to fight for my own self or staying stuck in keeping up with anyone let alone “the Jones'”. I let it all go.
I let go of the things I thought would keep my alive, the joys, the dreams, the expectations, the obligations, the should do’s, the wanna be’s, all the things. The sadness, the disappointments, the unexpected outcomes, the things I can’t control, the burdens, the grief.
Sigh, such relief founded in letting go. In letting go I am free. Free to be me, to be in the present moment entirely. No judgement, no flex just sitting and resting and healing and knowing.
Surrender isn’t just creating a place of empty, it is making room for things we want to embody and embrace. I have so much room inside my Soul. She is ready to follow and find the way. Light the path.
Let us go. Let us go slow.