I like many of you love to give, love to serve and love to help. I just forgot along the way to give kindness to myself, to love myself and to help myself in my pursuit of saving the world. Even through the promptings, even through the need to feel valued or validated, and even through differing challenges and seasons. I didn’t extend to myself the same grace to reevaluate my reality along the way and suitably adjust my load. The bar remained at an untenable height, I wrestled with the difference of my expectation and the gapping reality chasm.
So, note to self and to you sweet one, in whatever setting/season you find yourself in: finding and establishing healthy boundaries must always be a priority. Lesson learned (tick). Also checking in with your expectations and aligning it with what’s really going on – honestly, is a hard yet good way to set you up for a sustainable road ahead. Lesson learned (tick). The hard way.
Whether you find yourself in a small church and therefore wear many hats or in a reasonably large church that struggles to find competent musicians, burnout escapes no one. When we neglect to create space in our personal walks with God, our ministry context and the many plates we spin in our full lives we set up a fast route to run out of steam. Throughout Jesus’ ministry we see time and time again throughout the gospels He withdrew (Luke 5:16). He saw the importance of time out: time out from people He was serving to make room for time with His Father. He established boundaries and encouraged others to do so too. So if healthy boundaries are a good thing for us, why do we quickly forsake them in ministry?
Some of the why’s I’ve come across look a little like this: Sometimes we are running from something. Sometimes we are trying to fill a void. Sometimes we are in a habit and can’t break it, so we don’t know any other way, so we just keep going. Sometimes we are fulfilling our identity or sometimes we like being in control. Sometimes we like to be on the inside and not left behind or on the outside. Sometimes we are fulfilling a need – our own, the churches or our pastors. Sometimes we are doing it because we can. Sometimes we have great motivations and other times, they’re questionable. Whatever your reason, your ‘sometimes’ will accumulate if you are not careful. Burnout is a tough road to return travel from, and if you aren’t wise to pick the signs before they culminate, your empty reservoir will only serve dust and dirty scraps into others lives. And let’s be honest, no one benefits from that kind of unhelpful overflow.
“Better is a handful of quietness than both hands full with painful effort, a vain striving after the wind and a feeding on it” Ecc 4:6 (AMPC)
Your purpose must determine your yes and your no.
This has been a tricky lesson for me to learn. I had a great opportunity at a church I had been serving at for some time, the contract was finishing and they wanted me to stay but my current position couldn’t be extended. Another interim position was opening up which could keep me on the track of leadership development, plus I had the skills to do the job and do it above average. But I wasn’t called to do it. I wrestled with the call vs the need. And in the end I had to turn it down. As sad as it was to then know this meant I would no longer have a job at the church I called family, it would also mean we’d be venturing on… which was really really hard. God was calling me to start a business and dream big, which was scary. But I had to allow room for what was going to be best for my family, in alignment with my purpose. It meant my no to them meant a yes to what God had been calling me to step into. Which has been so exciting!
Determine who needs your Yes.
When you say Yes to one thing, someone else will be hearing a No. Which sucks because you can’t actually please everyone. What you say yes to will not only reveal your priorities but it will also expose your motivations. If you have been saying no to yourself for a while and your body, your mind or your spirit is lagging then listen, you need to top up your tank to keep going. Stop and allow margin in your life for pause, reprieve and recovery. There will always be gaps on rosters, so it’s okay to say no and give yourself some space to get your heart right. As leaders we need to develop a culture of permission. Permission to step back when weariness comes knocking, permission to say no to perpetual service, and permission to try new things. When you have agreed to something weighed up by your ability to be present then foster a practice of commitment by turning up when you are on, (even when you don’t feel like it), come prepared and ready to contribute. When you do decide to say yes to something, let your yes be YES. And your no be NO.
“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labour in vain” (Psalm 127:1)
Our responsibility as leaders of worship (whether you are the worship leader or not) is to ensure it is always ALL about Christ, all about bringing His message of hope to the world and celebrating that together. Working our ways back to Him or being still before Him in gratitude and calling His children home. It is more about Him than it is ever more about us. Heart check. It is not your job to exhaust all your resources and personhood for the House of God. It is His job to build it. We need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. In our efforts to please people or fulfil our sense of personhood, we need to revisit – often – who’s agenda we’re on. Is it ours, someone else’s or God’s? Keep coming back to the basics – why are you doing what you’re doing? Making certain it’s for Him and not for us, and always bringing it back to our heart before Him. If our heart is not right, we need to have space to rectify that. In the pursuit of worship, always point yourself and therefore others to Jesus.
To be continued…